Forgiveness in Different Ways

Exoneration, forbearance and release, these are the ways we forgive, or at least have the potential to forgive.  Dr. Stephen Marmer teaches that in these three ways we have the ability to protect and preserve our relationships and we can allow our health and over-all well-being be enhanced.  Exoneration is our ability to hear a sincere apology, to know that a mistake or accident occurred and understand that someone is truly sorry - they offer apology without excuses, claiming full responsibility and show they will not knowingly allow the offense to occur again.  Forbearance is a bit different.  This occurs when we accept an apology that may not seem quite full.  When someone offers to make amends but wants to share the responsibility with you or someone else, lacks authenticity and may seem insincere.  However, if the relationship matters to you, this is the place and space for forbearance - akin to forgive but don’t forget - be watchful in the continuation of the relationship.  Perhaps, these forbearance will evolve to the place of exoneration when someone demonstrates their own change for the better as well.  The third is important for those who have been cheated, abused or betrayed.  Release is the ability to forgive by letting go of the negativity and allowing ourselves to again grow as a human being. 
   
Forgiveness comes in many forms.  We have choices about the way we can grant forgiveness and the ways we can ask for it too.  Not one of us is perfect, without flaws or moments lacking in judgment.  We must be ready to grant forgiveness in the appropriate ways and we must know what we are asking for when we seek it too.  Being on both sides of this equation - acting on missteps and engaging in teshuvah - hones our skills and sharpens our forgiveness tool belt.